Let's not pretend - love is the end

A brutal day. I can honestly say I've never felt such deep sorrow. While I pick up the pieces and work on moving forward there is an unmistakable feeling that I'm bearing witness to a crushing sadness. The loss of a dear departed, a funeral for something that I loved more than anything I've ever loved in my life. Devastating in a way I never thought I could experience. Just.... crushing.

I'm trying to stay very focused on the pieces of this that I can control: making plans with friends for support; picking out a bed and making a list of other things I'll need in my new pad; wrapping up little home/nonwork projects that I don't want dangling over me anymore; tying up loose ends with Eric since he deserves so much better. And of course, being sweet to my ex through it all, so he knows I still love him and that I'm doing my best to learn some hard lessons.

The hardest part is dealing with the pieces I can't control: his unwillingness to fight for keeping us together; the inevitable awkwardness as we start living our own lives while still living together; having to go through the motions at work when all I want to do is sit at home; feeling lonely, already.

So, it's true. Without love there's nothing.

"Let's not pretend - love is the end"